Advice to Self at 20
“Advice to Self at 20” is a portrait and interview series shaped by conversations with women in their 50s through 80s. Each woman was asked what she has learned over their lifetime, what beauty means to her now, and what advice she would offer her younger self.
The photographs emphasize presence over polish. Wrinkles, posture, poses, and expressions carry the evidence of time; of work, love, loss, endurance, and joy. The images visually explore what each participant discussed in her interview, whether through people, props, framing, or light. In this project, age is not softened or disguised; it is allowed to exist fully within the frame. The images are paired with words that reveal how aging reshapes one’s relationship to the self.
One woman described the moment she first felt old: “The first time I knew I was old was after I fell by simply just walking up my driveway and nearly broke my foot. I thought, ‘Oh God, the time has come. I’m old!’ The recovery wasn’t awful, but that moment stuck with me. It’s those physical things that really got to me; knowing my body wouldn’t bounce back like it used to. The journey to acceptance isn’t easy, it’s almost like a prolonged denial that I’m getting older. But adapting and taking my time and paying closer attention to my body has made me feel closer to it in a way. I double knot my shoes now, wear a brace by choice, and take life a little bit slower. But slow is not bad. Slow is intentional, slow is careful, and can be beautiful if you let it.”
In a culture that often stigmatizes older women as invisible, incapable, or burdensome, these portraits tell a different story. The women photographed here are thoughtful, humorous, reflective, and generous with their insight. Beauty emerges not from youth, but from wisdom, relationships, experience, and carrying life forward with intention.
Sandra, 55 “Raising a daughter is literally like the saying, ‘having a piece of your heart walk around outside of your body.’ There’s pride in her independence, joy in her curiosity, and a quiet ache in knowing you can’t protect her from everything, only help prepare her. Watching her slowly become herself, and learning every day how to be the parent she needs. I see her discovering who she is and am in awe of her profound insight. I’m so proud of the way she moves through the world, even when it’s hard. If I could give young women, including my daughter, a few things to remember, it’d be this: Trust your voice—it matters, even when it feels small. Be kind, but never at the cost of yourself. Choose people who choose you back. You never have to change who you are to be loved, and you don’t have to be perfect to be enough. Let yourself grow and make mistakes! Change is part of living.”
Carolyn Mulford, 86 “I’ve always believed that aging doesn’t necessarily bring beauty, but it brings a greater appreciation for beauty — in the world, in others, in the small things around you. That to me, is a kind of beauty in itself. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life is courage. You have to be willing to fail, to take risks, to push yourself a little farther than feels comfortable. If you never do something that scares you a little, life is going to be boring. To younger women, and to my younger self, I would say: claim your rights. Fight to hold them. Don’t be intimidated. Learn tact, learn humor, but don’t back down. The world has always tried to tell women what they can’t do, and that hasn’t changed completely. You have to be ready to push back. Working in journalism, I’ve seen women get poor assignments, be underpaid, be overlooked; and it wasn’t fair. That doesn’t mean you quit. It means you push, even when it’s hard. Life takes guts, especially for women. And I believe in finding fulfillment and joy wherever you can. Even in hard times, even when life throws storms at you, you need to find something to enjoy every day. Whether it’s a conversation, a meal, a moment in nature, or a beautiful line of poetry. That’s how you thrive.”
Natalie Pinson, 56 “Getting older is an odd feeling. When I had my baby and brought him to see my parents, it was this moment of generations. I realized, I really am old now, I’m the parent. It forces you to reflect forwards and backwards, on life and family. Then, when you have a parent die, it makes you feel like there’s a mortality to it all. It’s a reality check. You think people are going to live forever, and then you realize they’re not. I think a beautiful trait I have is simply taking the time with people; being present, but then taking action in that present moment. Making an effort. Saying hello. Making eye-contact. Genuine human interaction is a beautiful thing. My biggest advice is: don’t wait. If there’s something you want to do, somewhere you want to go, a person you want to be, there’s no time for waiting. I’ve felt imprisoned by my own familiarities in the past, and it’s in my 50s where I’ve found a new light. You’re not here forever, and you don’t know when your time is up. I have more of my life behind me than I have in front of me, and that changes how you think about tomorrow. So don’t wait.”
Nan Povinelli, 76 “I think age is just a number. Sometimes it’s shocking to realize how long I’ve been here, but it’s also an accomplishment. It just means I’ve experienced a lot and seen so many changes. The thing I value most about myself is my curiosity and openness. I’m not satisfied with staying the same; I still want to learn and see things differently. Lifelong learning is important, and staying curious keeps life meaningful. I also try not to live in the past, I want to focus on the present and always be open to new experiences. People often think older women are boring or uninteresting, but that’s not true. Everyone has something to contribute, no matter their age. My advice to younger me and young women out there is to never assume you know everything; you don’t. Be tolerant, patient, and always open to learning new things. Experiences, even scary or unfamiliar ones, teach you more than comfort ever could. Don’t just stay where you feel safe or among people who think like you. Find something new you care about outside yourself and make a difference.”
Lisa Moscoso, 58 “One thing I find beautiful about myself is seeing beauty in others. I really work hard to see people. It’s wonderful how people light up when somebody sees them. I’m so lucky to have sisters that I love and who see me for me. I admire and respect them endlessly. They’re not perfect, and neither am I, but we’re just there for each other. Knowing I’ll have those three friends forever is really amazing. My mom died ten years ago, and my dad died a year ago, and that brought us together even more. It’s been amazing to go through that with my sisters, to be able to show up, heal, and really see one another again and again. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to control the controllables, and to be really present in the moment; savoring whatever is in front of me. We call them ‘beauty checks.’ Even when the rain is coming sideways and life feels really hard, we pause and say, ‘beauty check,’ and look for something beautiful. Finding beauty in the middle of it helps get us all through. My advice to younger women is: don’t forget your beauty checks. Savor every moment. Even in grief, there’s a deep, joyful beauty if you’re willing to pause and see it.”
Barbara Clarke, 82 “I taught school for 42 years, from preschoolers through PhD students, and I’ve lived in very different places, from small-town Nebraska to Phoenix, Arizona. I’ve had a variety of experiences, and that, to me, is beauty. It’s life experiences, the knowledge I obtain, and the people I meet. I earned a college degree, a master’s, and eventually a PhD at Arizona State University. I was often the only woman in my classes, and it wasn’t easy, but listening to myself, following my passions, and refusing to be limited by expectations taught me resilience and self-trust. One piece of advice I would give younger women is: don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is a gift. You learn from it, you grow from it, and it helps you discover what you’re truly capable of. Keep picking yourself up and applying what you learn along the way. And listen to yourself. Your inner voice will guide you, even when the world doubts you or tries to direct your path. Trust yourself, you deserve more than you may think you do.”
Deborah Welton, 74 “There’s some trepidation that goes along with aging. I see health changing, and there’s a fear of whether I’ll be able to complete whatever projects I want to complete — my life work. I’ve had some heart problems recently. One morning, I looked outside my window to see an owl staring right back at me. I take everything as a sign, and in that moment, I believed the owl was a symbol of adaptability and acceptance. I was going to be okay. My advice to younger women is to trust your gut, and at the same time stay open to what the universe is bringing you. Even when something feels horrible, see if there’s a lesson in it. Nothing’s an accident, it’s all a learning opportunity. I think the ability to have multiple perspectives, because you’ve had multiple experiences, adds to life. You can look back and see that even without a smooth path, you still got to a pretty cool place.”
Anne Guthrie, 83 “One of the most important lessons life has taught me is that things don’t always go your way. I’ve been through a divorce, raised a daughter, and faced challenges in life and work. Those experiences have taught me patience, understanding, and respect for others. You learn how to navigate the world when you’re on your own, and you learn the importance of kindness and fairness. Treating everyone the same, from the mailroom to the president, is crucial. My advice to younger women is: don’t be afraid to try, don’t be afraid to speak up, and always do your job well. Dress neatly, be pleasant, and stand up for yourself, even in the workplace. I worked in the Federal Reserve for 34 years and I had to learn to get along with people and understand that you can’t always like everyone or be liked by everyone. There’s power in showing competence, kindness, and self-respect at all times. Ultimately, what I hope younger women take away is that life is full of challenges, but responding with kindness, respect, and courage will carry you further than physical beauty, anger, or fear ever could.”
Even in dark moments, don’t despair.
Move ahead, whether in steps or in leaps.
Rejoice at the triumphs.
Endure the disappointments.
Be aware questions may yield better advice than statements.
And accepting help may be a precious gift.
Be open to changes in yourself and society
But hold firm to the golden rule.
Chance and choice will deny you the expected family life
But reward you with deep friendships.
Work and play will put you on unforeseen paths.
Wherever you go, laugh and look for beauty.
Facing uncertainty in your expanding world,
Anticipate touching the snows of Kilimanjaro,
Shaking an emperor’s hand,
Autographing your novels,
And ordering ice cream in eight languages.
By participant, Carolyn Mulford.